First time posting in here. Basically I’ve been fat my whole life, shocker. Even when I was in a normal bmi I thought I was fat. It’s weird because I’ve always been self confident and self conscious at same time bc of weight you know?
Anyways I’m 5’8” and 250 lbs. I’m 24 (F). It’s crazy bc I’m kind of in denial Of how obese I am lol like it’s just normal to me now? I’m starting to get older and my weight isn’t helping. Like near the corners of my eyes there are indents where my cheeks are plumper underneath. I don’t want to look old yet. So i really want to make a change.
First of all it feels like once you’re overweight that gaining weight doesn’t matter. It’s like in dexter when he says put a mattress in a yard and other junk will start ending up there like tires etc.
So I never really thought much about gaining 50 pounds bc I always felt fat anyways.
However there definitely is a difference. Not only health wise but how you’re treated. I’d say about 2 years ago when I was 200lbs I would still get catcalled and people would notice me. It’s weird bc I HATE being cat called but being so fat now and not getting any attention kind of stings? I also feel invisible. Like that’s really a thing when you’re fat! I am a relatively pretty girl and never understood why my skinny friends always got more attention if my face was prettier. But like now the weight has totally changed my face shape and my features are less defined. I don’t even go to bars really because it makes me sad how no one even looks at me.
My personality has changed a little too because of it. Like I automatically try to just be friends with guys bc I don’t feel attractive and I feel like they don’t think so either. I’m not as outgoing or lively anymore bc it’s like the world put me in my place.
So I just moved out of my parents house and have an apartment and a job. I’m hoping I can get some kind of routine going and stick with it. I’ve been getting more into meal prepping and maybe will join a gym. I even started going to see a therapist a year ago to figure out the emotional side. I read a book called women food and god that was helpful. But I still can’t seem to do anything sustainable. Do you think setting small goals is the way to go?
TLDR: I’m fat and don’t want to be, commiserate with me.
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