My weight begins to limit me in my daily life.

I'm a 27 y-o male and I just stumbled upon this subreddit.

I have been overweight for a few years now. With the weight, the shame added up too. It got to the point that I no longer dare to do activities that I enjoyed for decades, like going to the swimming pool.

This summer I took 2-3 days off to go to the beach for the first time in year (something I used to do very often when I was a kid and that I have been missing greatly), but I couldn't take my shirt off. I wasted this opportunity to do one of the things that brings me the most joy in life : swimming in the sea.

My behavior has changed. Because I am ashamed of my weight and ashamed of myself, I always eat just a little when I'm around people and then I hide myself to binge like hell. I get a sort of thrill when I successfully eat something that I know I shouldn't (and therefore is forbidden) without anyone finding out. I have trouble going up the stairs and I get out of breath very easily.

I have a few injuries so the only sport the doctor allowed me to practice is swimming but I can't take my shirt in public so it's a vicious cycle.

I used to be muscular and thin, with a 4 pack (could never get the 6 pack). A few years ago I gained so much weight in such a short time span that I got scars around my belly. Now I have a double chin and I'm disgusted by myself. I look and feel like shit.

Main part of it is a sugar addiction. My parents fed me nothing but nutella when I was a kid so maybe that's why I lose control everytime I eat sugar and I can't just eat a small portion of it. I also crave it regularly. But I eat a lot. Not because I'm hungry, but because the goal of eating for me is pleasure.

I just wanted to explain where I'm at and kind of introduce me here. I will lurk to try to learn from you. Happy Sunday ! =)

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