Progress pics at the bottom.
I always hated clothes shopping. I was never into fashion or looking chic to begin with, and being self-conscious at 180-195lbs just made it worse. All I wanted to wear were jeans and gaming tshirts because, as I told myself, I was a tomboy. I only ever deviated from this for things like weddings.
Seeing 195lbs on the scale was a wake up call. I was healthy - I had low blood pressure, no achy joints, no hint of diabetes - none of the problems you'd typically associate with being overweight or, let's be honest, technically obese. I did and continue to think I carried the weight decently well. That said, I was NOT going to hit 200lbs. I struggled enough with depression, anxiety and crippling lack of self-confidence. Plus, the guy I really liked said he was no longer interested, and even though there were a ton of reasons why that'd be the case, I couldn't help but feel like if I weighed less, looked hotter, things would have turned out differently.
So I stopped snacking. Stopped eating huge portions. I never strictly counted calories, but I did look up what calorie information was available, and kept it in mind. I faced a minor setback when I realized you're not supposed to place a scale on carpeting, and realized I hadn't magically lost 15lbs in a week... but I kept going. I started drinking water while at work, something I still do to this day. I didn't cut out pop completely, but I switched to Coke and Pepsi Zero. Apart from the occasional light/diet fruit juice, I don't typically drink any calories.
I also cut way back on the salty snacks, which were always my biggest weakness. Sugar, whatever, I can go without. Cheetos? Ohh, now we're talking... But I cut them all out. I picked up these 90 cal Fiber One brownies and lemon bars to take one to work as a snack each day. For lunch I can eat more or less what I want, but only one thing. One chicken sandwich or one hot dog, no sides. Water to drink. I work with food, which can suck, but I work in a hospital, meaning the food general isn't that unhealthy, and calorie information is available.
I didn't really work out, but I did started to love walking, especially when there are pokestops along the way. PokemonGO has helped to keep me more or less active during my off-work days, at least during the warmer months. Not so much anymore. I also do some basic at home exercises like crunches, stretching, etc. Nothing major, but I feel like I'm doing something.
I'm getting off-track, but I really wanted to include what I've done to reach 60lbs off in just over a year. I didn't lose the weight as quickly as I could, but it's felt entirely sustainable. Apart from very temporary moments after I bought of eating something salty, I've never backtracked. And even though I still struggle with the same depression and feelings of inadequacy, I do feel a bit better about myself and my appearance.
Which brings me to shopping with my mom, just yesterday. I needed a new winter coat. I scoured Goodwill, and eveb though we didn't find any suitable coats, we did find about 7 new tops. Even as I dug through the racks, I told my mom I typically have to resort to medium sizes for women's clothes, as I have a wider chest than any other part of my body. Jokes on me, most of the tops, all of them women's clothes, are sized small. We went to Plato's Closet, and again no costs, but I found one of those duster-style sweaters or cardigans that was really cute. I've never worn a cardigan in my life, but... something about this really struck me.
We did eventually find coats at Shopko, and I did find a really cute one (it's reversible, and 50% off! Also sized small...). But I couldn't help but think about all my earlier goodies. Almost everything I picked up looked like it'd be too small, but when I tried it on, it fit great. I'm not used to wearing tighter clothes, but found they look good. My mom and I can actually share some of our clothes now, even though my boobs are like 14x bigger than hers (okay so it's a cardigan, but whatever!).
Seriously though, the dysmorphia you experience after losing weight is no joke. I still feel chubby, and I do still want to lose another 10lbs or so, but I'm not in any rush. I'm still getting used to seeing and accepting this body. It'll take some time yet, but I'm getting there. It's all part of the journey, physically and mentally π
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