Having a little trouble today..

I’m 29. 5’3. Female.

At the beginning of 2015 I was extremely depressed. I quit my job. Quit school. I left my phone on do not disturb for months and months. I just completely withdrew from life. My dr put me on some pretty heavy psych meds that made not care about anything. All I wanted to do was sleep and eat. And that’s all I did. In seven short months I gained 120lbs. The doctor I was seeing moved out of state so I had to start seeing someone else. My new doc was absolutely floored that his former colleague saw me every month for seven months and kept me on those meds. Meds that are notorious for weight gain. Immediately he took me off of them and when that fog lifted, I was in major denial. Even staring at myself in the mirror, I could not grasp the amount of weight I had put on.. and to cope with that I ate, putting on about another 40lbs.

About a year and a half ago I weighed almost 300lbs. Today I weigh 205 and just the thought of having lost that much weight gives me butterflies. I can remember at one point being maybe 275 and thinking, “ugh, I’ve only lost 15lbs. I have soo far to go.” It was never good enough. For a few months I more or less gave up and was back to my old ways. Finally I decided I could not continue to live like that anymore and got back on track.

I’ve always been very self conscious about my body. Even at my thinnest, there was still something wrong. I never really had an issue with how much I weighed per se. I was in sports from 8-18 and remained active for years after that. Not that that mattered. I always thought I was fat. Always. The scale never bothered me. It was the mirror that did.

..which brings me here today. I’ve lost 85/90lbs and still have a good 60 to go. (Or until the mirror tells me I’m good) however, I’ve never hated the mirror more in my life than I do now. My stomach and breasts are covered in stretch marks. The skin is so loose and it just hangs and honestly it makes me cry. And it makes me feel like absolute shit. I’m not going to quit eating healthy and busting my ass in the gym, but I can’t even imagine how much worse it’s going to get.

Anyone that’s gone through this or is going through this too.. How do I deal with this mentally? Is there a n y t h i n g I can do to make the stretch marks and loose skin look better?

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