This semester has been a lot of doctors visits for me as I started physical therapy and a few other things. I started losing weight after my first visit on Aug 19th and since then I've lost 38ish pounds. I went back today for a check up and the assistant said to me "I see you're down some weight since we last saw you. I hope you know that doesn't allow you to get another plate on Thanksgiving." and I kind of responded, "okay...." I had no idea what to say. The doctor also at the end gave me the whole spiel "If you lose weight then you'll feel better" I didn't have the fight in me to mention that I'm trying so hard.
I don't even feel angry at them like I usually do, I just feel so.... defeated.... I'm seeing very little physical change in my body and my depression is really getting to me. I've gone over my calorie limit by at least 200 or so calories everyday the last week but I know I just need to push through this hump. I just need to find something to get me back on the horse and stop feeling so numb. I know I've worked really hard... It's just hard to look at other people's progress and see they're moving a lot faster than I am or seeing more physical change or their bodies look a lot better than mine even though we're at the same weight. I'm fat everywhere but I hold a lot in my large, Santa belly. I hope once I get past these first 50lbs, the actual physical changes will kick in.
Thank you for listening to my whining and I hope your day goes successful today. I'm going to hit the gym tonight whether I want to or not.
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